The Elusive Queer Man

     In previous posts I have mused about the potential of queer sex within a heterosexual relationship. I was skeptical that such a dynamic could happen in reality. I think the universe decided I needed a reminder, and thus delivered me Jack (name changed).

     Jack is a very philosophical-minded, hipster-leaning, bike fanatic. He doesn't own a car, is covered in tattoos (of various quality) is an inch shorter than me, and has red facial hair which goes through stages of scruff, mustache, and full mountian-man status. I find him devilishly handsome, and an adorable person. We initially connected over our mutual high sex drives and open-mindedness about sex. We both fall somewhere in the middle with gender and sexuality which seems to complement each other nicely. He does not mind in the least that I am very attracted to women, and does not sexualize that experience as happens with many hetero-men. Jack is open to new sexual experiences and likes being fucked, which means we get to have some fun in bed. I think it is clear to me, that purely vanilla sex will never satisfy me, and luckily he shares that opinion.

      Both Jack and I recently got out of serious relationships with women who we each thought could be the person we would spend our lives with. We take love seriously and the thought of another heartbreak is terrifying. Needless to say, that leaves us with a full set of baggage between the two of us, and a bit relationship phobic. In fact, Jack is so scared of relationships that he reminds me that he doesn't want one nearly every day. Now, hearing that is not exactly a moral boost, but honestly I know I need to stay away from anything serious right now anyways, and the smile he gives to me when I show up is enough of a reminder that he digs me.

     I think it is actually good for me to find more balance in my life, and appreciate the moment I am in, rather then to worry about the future. The reality is that Jack gives me a stable friendship, consistent sex, a cuddle buddy and someone to share stories with. Its not the love story I pictured, and I don't imagine he will be the person I spend my life with, but right now, he is exactly the person I need in my life. Meeting him has been the perfect reminder that I am young, I have no idea what I am looking for, and most importantly there is no reason to be looking for anything specific, but rather I need to embrace the people and experiences already my life and roll with whatever path should come next.