I find sexuality to be such an
intriguing topic. I find more intriguing though, the fact that most people
around me are substantially less interested in sexuality than me. I wonder if I am more sex-driven, more queer, or just more out-spoken than then average female.
It is a
common anecdote that guys think about sex
once every six seconds, and also that guys
are only after one thing. While I think both statements are far from fact,
I wonder to what extent they are true, what causes that to be true, and why
women don’t feel, or at least admit to the same. To the last topic at least I
have a few theories. Most theories deal with different social constructs to
gender. Women are socialized to believe certain things about their sexuality,
and possibly more sad, I am under the impression that most woman do not get
opportunities to explore open, equal, sexually gratifying relationships.
Under the
disclaimer that the following opinions are only based only personal experience
and casual research, I believe that our current, hetero-centric views on sex
limit much of our population to less than mediocre sex. I was personally
blessed by having two open, queer, and compatible sexual partners as my first
two relationships. I acknowledge that most people take more trial and error to
find their preferences in bed, and I likely still have much to discover.
However I believe that typical straight sex is nothing short of boring.
For some
reason I keep trying it, and it keeps disappointing. I have slept with a
variety of guys now. Guys I was very physically attracted to, guys I was
intellectually turned on by, or had good chemistry in the moment, guys I gave
at least a handful of chances to, and yet the sex is always disappointing. It
seems that in the average sexual encounter there is a typical formula. There is
a certain amount of foreplay, in most cases apparently employed to get the
chick on board. Ten the guy’s dick-brain
comes out and takes over. His face goes into an intense, blank stare, he starts
making animal noises, subtle at first but escalating to grizzly-decibel grunts
by climax, and of course overall the man always has the power.
I am
personally a strong, independent, woman who very much likes some control during
sex, and am not afraid to take it. Still I find that through typical
heterosexual positions and social expectations, I still rarely get dominant or
even equal positions when having sex with a man. I believe many women, as well
as many of their partners would very much appreciate more opportunities for
variety and control-shifts during sex.
As soon as
dick-brain comes into play, penetration tends to become the main move. While
penetration is great, even a skilled partner who benefit his/her woman by
adding in some variety and finesse. Plus when penetration comes into play the
woman is almost always put into a submissive role. Most positions she is pinned
down, or has her legs above her head, not in positions of power. Even while
riding her mate, often the woman is supposed to be putting on a show. Penetration
often also signals the beginning to the end, the shift that signals that if you are not the unique flower who will
cum from vaginal sex alone, get ready to be grunted on and then go to bed,
because Miss, your turn is over.
I am
possibly being overdramatic or skeptical, but I believe we are ready for sexual
revolution. I want to see a world where women understand and embrace their
sexuality, at least as much as men are expected to by our current society seems
to dictate. I want to see world where sexual partnerships are honest, and equal
(at least to the extent both partners desire) and where all people are exposed
to healthy sexual relationships that will help them discover what they actually
like and in which they will not be ashamed.
Stay tuned for a follow-up post
about a new boy-toy who may be changing my opinion about hetero-male sexual
openness.
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