A friend posted this article today
and it got me thinking about sex. Granted I think about sex a lot. Sex is
awesome. This article, however made me think a little more deeply about just
how I feel about sex.
This article talks about how it is important to have positive communication about sex. Rather than relying one the girl to say no, she should instead be saying yes. It can be incredibly sexy to ask for consent.
As I was
reading this I kept thinking damn, I get
asked for consent all the time….my girlfriend is pretty awesome. Now at
this point we both know each other pretty well, know what each other like, and
know each other’s boundaries. However throughout our relationship, as we were
exploring each other’s boundaries and trying new things we talked about what
was okay all the time. If we were in the middle of something she might ask is it all right for me to [….] or if we
were just talking she might say I was
wondering how you felt about [….]. This gave me the chance to define my
limits, let me say no with confidence and think through my answer. By having
open communication and asking for consent, whether the answer was yes, maybe
later, or no, I feel incredibly respected and most definitely sexy.
Going into
this relationship my girlfriend was much more experienced than I was, and I
initially was worried that I would feel uncomfortable or like I was constantly
trying to pretend that I knew what I was doing. Since the beginning though we
have been able to have open communication about sex and I have never once felt
like we did something I wasn’t comfortable with. I was upfront about my
inexperience, and she asked me for consent for each new thing. There was quite
a few times where I said I wasn’t ready. Once I even said I would try, and then
asked to stop when I realized I did not like it. I never once felt pressured;
instead it felt incredibly sexy that she wanted to be trying new things with
me, but that she was respecting me completely. CONSENT IS SEXY.
As our
relationship has gone on, communication about sex has only got better. During
sex we often will direct each other, or ask if the other likes something. Both
of us feel comfortable introducing new things to each other, and think about
how the other is feeling. Outside of sexy time we will ask about preferences
and desires. We joke about sex and can have casual conversations about
masturbation and sex toys.
I do not
think my relationship is anything special, in fact I hope it is not. Everyone
should get the chance to be in a relationship where they respect, and are respected;
because sex should be fun and consent is sexy.
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